I am often intrigued by individuals who criticise any thing and everything and for ever trying to understand and figure out their psyche.
For example when I receive a simple joke or a jpg file that puts a smile on my face and I decide to share it with some buddies, majority will remain silent making me feel like the invisible postman who delivers the snail mail each and every day.
A Small number will give the Thumbs up to say they liked it. Then you have the same bunch of people who will criticise it no end and I have to tell them look it is only a forward that made me smile so I shared. If you don't like it it is OK.
Having lived in India for the first 30 years of my life and the next 44 in Australia having migrated in 1976, my observation is that Indians criticise anything and everything, almost as if it is "A Way of Life" and "A Birth Right" I am trying to figure out how this evolved in the Indian Culture and Why?.
Cooking : Men and women who cannot cook anything for nuts are the first one to criticise a dish made by someone else. Like too little salt, a bit too much salt, bit undercooked, a bit overcooked, a Bit too hot blah blah blah.
If the someone else who cooked the dish is a family member the criticism is much less than if it was a servant paid to cook. These criticisms can often turn into abuse of the downtrodden
Politics: Every Indian is an armchair pundit when it comes to criticising politicians and leaders of the country especially the Prime Ministers.
Let us look at the 18 PMs who have led India in the last 73 years since Independence:
I was born before Nehru was even sworn in as the first PM of India and can claim I have lived through all their regimes. Basically to me these are men and women who were elected by us the people of India to run the Govt of India on our behalf and they have dedicated their lives serving the people of India as they saw fit. At the end of the day they too were/are mere human beings with their strengths and weaknesses and prejudices and faults. As Compared to men like Hitler and Donald Trump, we Indians must thank our stars for having sensible leaders.
India is a Complex weave of Kingdoms with their own unique cultures, languages customs and cousines, it is virtually impossible to have a PM every Indian will be happy about. Even the Gods will fail if they tried. and for that matter There was no India before Independence; all we were were feuding kingdoms all over the subcontinent.
Yet every man and woman in India criticises endlessly every move every politician makes. What ever, the PM does is Wrong to the majority of the Population. But why ?
Last year I turned this around on my network of Family and Friends all Indians to tell me what they would do if elected PM of India today. Zilch positive response to my challenge but many said I am not qualified in any way to tell you what I would do as PM of India, "but they have a right to criticise".
Parents:
Parents can be the worst, when it comes to criticising their own Children. As a father I seldom criticised my son and only encouraged him whether it was studies or Cricket and was always proud of his achievements.He even auditioned for Australian Idol and wanted to be a DJ. I was there with him all the way. Now that he has grown up he thinks I pick on him, which is sad and unfortunate
My mother I remember called me an Idiot and scolded me for scoring 95 in a maths test and not 100. She was not scolding me for being stupid but for being careless.
I was the manager for an Under 16's North Sydney Boys Cricket Team and chose an Indian Left arm medium pacer to play in my team. This boys father used to attend the training sessions and trial games and was forever shouting abuses at his son for being useless good for nothing. This got to me and I pulled him aside, gave him a cricket ball and said show me you can bowl better than your son. The man took offense and said I have never played cricket before but I know my son can do better. So Instructed him and said you are welcome to all out team games on condition that you keep quiet. He was not a Happy man but obliged. This young left arm Indian swing bowler was my secret weapon against strong right handed batsmen. At the young man's wedding I was surprised and honoured when the father mentioned me in his speech and thanked me for "believing in his sons ability".
This reminds me of lyrics in a Tamil son that goes "Than Mudugu orupodhum Thanakkaedhan Theriyadu, Pirar Enral Nayyandi pesugindra ulagam idhu". Translating it means " People cannot see the faults on their own backs but will for ever criticise other people" ( I have included the link for people interested in this Old Tamil song.Just Click on it)
Another incident that comes to mind when Anand was playing in his Under Sevens soccer team as Full back. We lost the game and were walking towards the car when I heard this father abusing his seven year old. "You stupid and lazy Mongrel, you should have scored at least one goal and you missed three good chances. You can walk home as a Punishment and the father drove off in his car. This Idiot of a Father had never played soccer yet wanted his son to be Maradona..
There must be a name to this syndrome in psychology where parents "who failed in life" want their sons and daughters to succeed beyond expectations.
As a recent exercise I asked 100 of my 500 Indian Contacts in whatsapp to join my team in "Repairing India". Ten friends responded straightaway, another ten were coaxed into it making it 20 out of 100 ie 20%. 80% chickened out saying they did not know enough about India to contribute or used the flimsy excuse that they were busy. Of the 20 who responded only 10 members made their First contributions to the effort the other ten have gone silent.
So if I was to get to the bottom of this problem of why we Indians are more critical about others, I think it is "the slave mentality" that was imposed on all Indians by the British Whites who made you believe they were superior by their skin colour and the boss always had the right to criticise the subordinates and this was a chain reaction in the organisation.
The working Indian men with British Bosses, knowingly or unknowingly practiced the same behaviour at home where the husband criticised the wife and children and the wife criticised the servants and the children.
Critics somehow make themselves feel they are superior and know better a sign of inferiority complex making them want to feel superior
The Only way to challenge such armchair critics is throw then down the gauntlet and challenge them to do better or just shut up for ever.
Personally I don't like to criticise others unless I am damn sure I can do better and help the others improve their standards through my criticism. Having said that I appreciate my critics as their genuine criticism helps me to improve in what ever I do.
The Flip side of the coin is a situation where people praise you regardless of what you did or did not do.
These are people who do not want to offend you or want favours from you and will tell any number of lies to keep you happy. Some family members tend to do this and can have adverse effects on individuals too. So Be aware.
Here is a useful guide to every one reading this and have reached this end bit in the article.
Listen to Jack Ma's speech to youngsters that follows.
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Good article uncle ram. Penned down very well. I have realized over a period of time that people have very different perceptions about different situations and there is nothing anyone can do about it. This is how it is. Lots of different factors in a person's life time affect the way they become and think. So just the way you have your own experiences at different points of your lifetime that shaped you into the person you are others have the same outcome in their lives as well.
I suggest that you should think that way as well to be able to better understand why people closest to you are reacting towards you the way they are.
Perhaps a failure or a disappointment or poor health, even depression of some sort that they are going through in their life that does not allow them to react positively every time.
At this point of time, try to look at the positive things they did for you, put a smile on your face, give some hugs, go out for walks, take a holiday every now and then, form a good routine by sleeping early and waking up early. Do go for morning walks please uncle Ram. You will feel great. I hope I have answered your concerns well
